Welcome Back And Meet Ethan

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Welcome and thanks for joining us on the Blue Chair Podcast, brought to you by Fresh Wind Church. Each month, we discuss the latest sermons from the perspective of the Blue Chairs.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

Hello, and welcome to the Blue Chair Podcast. I am Pastor Jared, and with me, as always, we got Charles Magyar. How's it going? Um, so we've got some explaining to do. Uh we missed last month, and we are late this month. So that I wish we had a good reason. Um I never remember last month I reached out to you the second Saturday of the month, and I said, Hey, we were supposed to record last week.

SPEAKER_04 0:51

Yeah, I I would love to blame it on school, but I can't blame it on anything but myself.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Yeah, no, we just totally forgot. So we apologize about that. Well, the exact same thing happened this month, and we said, you know what, let's um just do it next week. We're not gonna skip another month, we're gonna get it in there. But we are covering the You're Not the Boss of Me series that we just uh that Pastor Ryan and Pastor Tim went over, and um, it's an exciting one. But before we get into it, we gotta introduce our special guest guest. With us this month is Ethan Smith. Say what's up.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

What's up, everybody? How you doing?

SPEAKER_03 1:24

So if you don't know Ethan, um watched last week's sermon. Um he did the announcements, and uh he's a cool guy. He has been coming to the church for how long now?

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Um shoot, it's probably been it's probably been close to two years now, year and a half at least. Yeah, that sounds about right.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Yeah. Your wife did uh VBS last year, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Or she she did. I remember VBS very vividly. Funny note about uh I did forget you in the announcement, so it was like the one thing. Oh yeah, that was hilarious. I did forget him in there, but yeah, Kylie was doing the dances um, you know, pretty much for an entire week. I was like, couldn't memorize the songs. Like, zoom, man, this one.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

No, keep going. Let's hear the let's hear the whole song. No, that's awesome. They have uh a year and a half or so, they're stepping up and doing some cool things. Your wife did announcements a couple weeks ago, you did it last week, and uh I mean that's awesome. I love to see people stepping up, and so when we saw you do announcements, we're like, we know who's gonna be on the podcast. He's willing to do stuff.

SPEAKER_04 2:24

And I'm terrible with it because I unfortunately only make it to like half the services a month. So actually, I think the first time I met you guys was at Tim's house. Um that was like almost probably a year ago. Yeah. Last year. Um, but no, I'm super glad that you guys are here. You guys seem like super cool people, so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Well, hopefully, I think I think we're pretty cool.

SPEAKER_04 2:46

You know, if you guys' YouTube video or the video you guys did for the church was awesome.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

So yeah, thanks, appreciate it. We um we did um do like like five to ten takes for that. Just like I mean, I can't say that we've never done that for this podcast.

SPEAKER_03 3:01

Oh, we have we've tried it at different intros. Like the first couple months we were doing it, we'd do five or six intros. And then I'd like I sounded terrible.

Emotions As Servants Not Bosses

SPEAKER_03 3:10

Delete, restart. Yeah, it's completely normal.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:13

Um, but let's give a quick synopsis of the the series as a whole. It's talking about being the boss of our own emotions. Um, more often than not, we see uh um in America and the world that we are emotionally driven, that when we get upset, everybody and their cousin knows we're upset. Um when we feel something, we believe it's true. Um, and I think I'm probably gonna misquote it, but I think I got it right. The the mantra or the the the saying that Pastor Tim and Ryan kept saying was that our emotions are great. Uh what was the word you use, Charles? Help me out here.

SPEAKER_04 3:48

Uh I have it in here. In your putting me on the spot. 100%.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

Uh tools, but terrible bosses?

SPEAKER_04 3:57

Yeah. Yeah. Either I think they said it was good tools or terrible leaders or bosses or good servants, I think.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

You got it. Good servants, terrible bosses.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

Good servants, terrible bosses. They're great at guiding us. They're great at like letting us know when something's wrong. It's kind of like pain. When you feel pain, like you, I don't know, fracture your ankle when you're playing uh kickball with the students. You know something's wrong. But when you let that control you dictate what you do, you get yourself in a heap of trouble. And so let's go ahead and get into it. Charles, go ahead and come out with the first point.

SPEAKER_04 4:30

Uh so I mean it it's essentially just over week one, which I believe uh was Tim. Yep. And I mean just to just to cover some of the emotions, uh, I had a list for like fear, anxiety, goat, comparison, insecurity, and emotional reactions. And like I just think about it in my day-to-day interactions, and like this is something that I still struggle with, but I feel like as as my walk has gotten farther, um, that it's definitely easier to improve um when I rely on scripture more than myself. So there's a lot of times now that even when me and Erica talk about it, there's a lot of times that I I catch myself in a moment or I catch her in a moment, and you know, we have to kind of take a step back and and evaluate like if that's where we really need to be in our emotions at the moment. Um, but I loved how Tim tied it back to we need to be able to learn to put that in check and surrender, surrender it to the authority of Christ. You know, we can't let these emotions take authority over us, we gotta submit them to the authority of Christ. So um I just I feel like like you were saying in our culture right now, like it's so easy to get wrapped up in your own emotions.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

Yeah, for for sure. I think um, you know, especially you know, just having not been that far from being in college, like pretty much everything you hear is you know, follow your emotions, follow follow your heart, follow all those things. Um I did love that they went over just how deceitful your heart is. You know, it's wicked above all, um and it's incurable. And that really resonated with me. And I think you know, as you continue to draw nearer to Christ, you know, I think of Isaiah 6 when he's staring at the presence of God, and the first thing he says, woe is me. You know, we we just start to see all of those things about us. Um and some of those are emotions, you know, and I don't think uh it's a need to like fret or fear or anything, and um, if anything, it just we can have more gratitude and thanking God that He saved us from these things. But um that part really stood out to me because I'm like, man, you know, when you go throughout a day, you just start to see the deeper you get into your walk, like how deceitful your heart is and how much emotions really sometimes are there to deceive you, um, to cause you to lash out, maybe, you know, in a conversation or to be angry about something.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

Um I see that with the youth all the time. Yeah. Um, it is such a um I don't know, it's it's pushed really hard that just because you're feeling something, just because you have these emotions, that they must be true. That that someone has to have done you wrong. And I've had conversations where I'm like, yeah, you might feel those things, but it's unjustified. Like it's it's not the end all be all. Just because you feel something doesn't mean you're correct. Like you could be acting on wrong information. You could think someone talked to you in some sort of way, and they could have had like a some a catch in their throat and it made them sound weird, like they're being like sarcastic or annoyed, or texting. Yeah, do you know how hard it is to get context from texting? Do you know how many times I've gotten my trouble, myself in trouble with Allison because of my text?

SPEAKER_04 7:49

Yeah, 100%. I'm why are you yelling at me? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:54

And so it is so important for us to recognize, yeah, recognize the emotions you're feeling, but also take a beat and be like, all right, am I am I allowing these things to be the end all be all? Am I allowing these things to be a master rather than a servant? Sure. And am I acting with a head, like with your brain or with your heart? Because like you said, like heart is so deceitful.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Yeah. Um that's funny that you said that. Stop yelling at me. That's actually something I say all the time, but in like a jokey way. It's like if she's if Kylie says anything, I'll be like, why are you yelling at me? Or like, it's so hard to hear you when you're yelling at me.

SPEAKER_04 8:30

Me and Erica went through this phase where if we could feel each other like getting annoyed with one another, we would just start complimenting each other to the point where like we would just

When Feelings Pretend To Be Facts

SPEAKER_04 8:40

start laughing. Because you can't continue fighting when the other person is just throwing compliments at you. That's and it would be like the most wild compliments.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

That's good.

SPEAKER_04 8:48

It was an interesting uh interesting lesson to try and learn to make light out of the situation. Oh, you better try.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

Usually when uh me and Alice are getting mad at each other, I just apologize and leave her alone, and uh eventually she starts talking to me again.

SPEAKER_04 9:04

We call that the doghouse.

SPEAKER_03 9:05

Yeah, it's more often than not my fault. The uh I was texting Ryan about this sermon today, I was re-listening to him, and the the sermon that probably smacked me the most was the um the envy and fear one. Because I mean, when you're mid-20s, getting to your late 20s, you see people finishing doctorates, finishing master's degrees. Um, I mean, it took me eight years to get my bachelor's. I did a million other things at the same time. I had two jobs, I had a whole family started, had two kids, like I was doing so many things, other things that I did part-time sometimes. Um classes I just outright failed because I didn't have time to do the stuff, right? And I I compare myself to the kids that are the guys or people that are getting their doctorates or finishing their master's degrees and all of that, and I'm constantly like, why aren't I there? And or just at any position, right? Even in like my secular work, like other people are making more money, and I've got a job and I'm I'm fixing stuff. I'm I'm the one getting greasy and dirty and disgusting and sweaty and burning myself on burners and getting into a grill and doing all that fun stuff. It's not the most desirable type of work, and so you see these other jobs out of there, you see these other opportunities, and you just like, I want to do that, I want to provide better, I want to do these things, and it's it comes from a place of I don't want to say it comes from a terrible place, right? It's not like and it's it's not inherently bad to want more for your family or to want more for yourself, but when Ryan said, um it was Ecclesiastes 4, I believe, 4.8, where he was saying, For whom do I, for whom am I toiling? I'm like, that is such a good, such a good saying. Like whenever, and since then, whenever I feel myself getting like, I'm just tired of this day. I don't want to work here anymore, I don't want to do this and stuff like that. I'm like, why am I doing this? I'm working here, so I have the time to work at the church and I can keep going. That's that's why I'm doing it. I'm not working for Allison, I'm not working for the family, I'm working for Christ, and everything that comes from it, that's awesome. I get all these benefits from it. I get food, I get a house, I get these things, and my kids get it too. And that was, I have literally been chewing on that since then, and like I'm at the point where I'm trying to plan out a tattoo to get that tattooed on me. I'm like, that is the coolest line I've heard in forever. I want it on me so I can see it all the time.

SPEAKER_04 11:35

Yeah, and like the envy and fear thing is something I was looking at too, because you know, I've talked to you before finally stepping out and going to Liberty, like I felt like there was a calling, and I kept putting it off because of money, and you know, how much time was it gonna take away out of the free time I already have a little of? So it's like you know, you work 12 hours, you come home, you're trying to do schoolwork, make time for the kids, and so there was like a huge aspect of fear, but um with the envy tied into it, I was in the same boat where I'm looking around at even friends we went to high school with, and I'm like, you know, they work at you know, whatever job and they're living in whatever house, and I sit there and I think about it, and the whole time, like at the same time, I had a calling on my life, and I had to start questioning like why am I envying what they have and not realizing that we were all we all have a calling, and their walk's not gonna look the same as my walk. So what God has gifted them with and their calling is not gonna look the same as what He's gifted me with in my calling, and that's kind of helped me change my mindset in terms of envy in a way. Or there's still times where I wish I, you know, didn't have to spend a bunch of money on digging up my septic tank, 100%. But I think just in terms of how I look at other people, and you know, we talk with the youth about it in terms of like um you shouldn't have that uh partiality towards people that when I look at this person I shouldn't think more higher of them just because they have these things, like that was the intention of their walk with God, just like I have my walk with God. Yeah, oh yeah, so it definitely puts things in perspective for me to just be thankful for what I've already been given.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

Yeah, for sure. Um I think back to I think this it might have been Pastor Ryan, but um it just talks about you know, Paul was in prison and he was he was rejoicing, but um he also was content and he says it's something that he learned too. Um so you know, like we all get those those things, right? We're in the flesh, we're fallen, and you know, praise the Lord that we have Jesus Christ. Um so those things are gonna come up, and I think it's encouraging to know, like, uh even Paul, you know, like he had that thorn in his flesh, we have no idea what it is, but he does mention coveting, you know, earlier and uses that as the example of like, oh, you never knew you were coveting until the law told you you were coveting, you know, that one. Um we all struggle with those things, right? Um I don't think they're necessarily bad desires uh to have either. Um but being content is something to learn. So you know it's just gonna be a part of the walk and in the struggle. The envy and fear definitely resonated with me, but maybe more on like the fear and and anxiety side. Um I think it's probably from all of the pressure that maybe was on me in like college, where like there were some like anxious strongholds, I think, that maybe were built up in my mind. Um and I think one of the biggest pieces, um, you know, after listening to this and just reflecting on my own life, you know, our thoughts it goes thoughts and then emotions and then actions, right? So our body's gonna follow our thoughts. And a lot of the times the emotions that we're feeling guilt, envy, fear, it's often because it's what we're dwelling on. You know, we're gonna put out what we're spending that time. Um so we can eliminate a lot of those things by choosing to, you know, take captive and and just redirect our our our thoughts to something grateful, faithful, um, and loving. I know that's an area I've struggled with, so anyway, and listening, you know, fear and anxiety, I think it's super common. Um my wrestling coach used to always tell us that gratitude defeats fear. And Paul reflects that too, like, you know, go to him and Thanksgiving, uh, prayers and petitions. Um, and so that's a an amazing way to kind of one, you know, defeat envy in your mind, and then also fear too. Fear of are we gonna have the money to pay the bills? Fear of am I gonna get enough closes next month to make sure that um everything is paid? Um and so we uh we just gotta keep walking and learn these things.

SPEAKER_03 15:29

I love that your mind went there because my mind went same place, opposite direction, because I've noticed myself when I'm in like this, like we go through seasons, right? If I get myself in this rut of envy, and like I wish I had these things, or I wish I was able to do this, or I wish um like you see some family online going on their fifth vacation or something, and you're like, I don't get to spend any of that quality time with my kid, and I sit there and I worry about that and stuff like that, and what meanwhile my kids are playing outside alone, and that that envy and fear, and because of the thoughts, they led to emotions. Now the actions, rather than doing the right thing and just spending quality time with my kids that they're going to remember, just because it's not out of town or doing something fancy, doesn't mean they're not going to like enjoy this and remember this and things like that. Yeah, I strip those things away from my family because of that. And it's like you said, catching those thoughts early and taking them captive and letting the Lord r renew your mind and being like, hey, wow, I thought of this and I wasn't even I wasn't being grateful for what you have provided me. Like, I'm off at one o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah, I go in at five, but I've been doing it for two years, so I'm used to waking up at four at this point, and so I'm off at one, one thirty. I pick the kids up. I I get to pick my kids up every single day from school. That's a luxury most people don't have. It's a chore at the same time. Some days I'm like, I gotta go sit in that pickup line. I'm like, this is terrible. I mean Allison got into it one time. She's off Mondays, and I have to, and I worked on that Monday, and I go home and I'm like, hey, will you get the kids? And she's like, Well, I'm doing this and this. And I came home so frustrated. And I was like, you were off all day long, and then I had to work eight hours and then go sit in the car line and pick up the kids, and then I got this, and she's like, Wow, okay. And like we had a little little chat about it, a little thing. And I was 100% wrong. Like, I allowed my emotion my thoughts to make me feel these emotions, which made me want to miss out on a half an hour of me just sitting around with my son.

SPEAKER_04 17:37

Should have texted me, I would have told you we were wrong. I'll be sure to do that.

SPEAKER_01 17:41

Could have saved a half hour.

SPEAKER_04 17:45

Uh well, I think even with like um fear and envy, I think it was in it's also in week two where they talk about like uh separating conviction and condemnation. And like to break it apart, conviction from what I could tell in the sermon was it's something that draws

Envy Fear And The Comparison Trap

SPEAKER_04 18:05

us toward God and leads us to repentance, and then condemnation attacks your identity, keeps us trapped in shame, and pushes us away from God. And I think even when I first started going to your guys' life group, I feel like I still lived under this veil of condemnation in a sense where I didn't allow scripture to speak to me as much as it has been over the past couple years. Um but something I think about uh as I've grown is I feel like through the word it it tears that veil a little bit where it gives you more judgment. And I was actually leaning towards 2 Timothy um 1.7 when it talks about that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment. And I think that in our walk, if we can rely back on scripture and live in his word, like that judgment for me is like it allows me to kind of differentiate between am I hearing conviction or am I hearing condemnation? And there's a lot of times where I felt in my walk I was speaking condemnation on myself, yeah, forgetting what Romans 8.1 tells you. Yep. So I really loved how this kind of all tied into it because I feel like, like I said, just in my early walk, I feel like I was just speaking so much condemnation over myself.

SPEAKER_03 19:20

That's where all the guilt and condemnation comes from. It's never coming from the Lord. Like, like you started with, if it's if it's from the Lord and it's conviction, it's like, hey, that's not the right thing for you. But if you're thinking, wow, I'm a failure, that's not the Lord. Yeah, like the Lord is going to come to you in a way that is um beneficial. Like He'll be strict, he'll lay down the law, he'll tell you.

SPEAKER_04 19:45

But that was the hardest struggle. Like the what you just said that I'm a failure part, because there was so many times, like just as a dad, when I look at like where we are, instead of being grateful for where we are and what we have, because uh we're blessed. And like I look at it now and I can see that we're blessed, but before, like, I would look at it, and then like you were saying, you'd go on Facebook and you'd see all these extravagant vacations and these giant homes and everything else, and I'm like, where did I fail? That like I'm here and they're there, but I'm like, I didn't fail, like God's given me what I need, and I need to be okay with that.

SPEAKER_03 20:15

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

What do you guys think about that? Yeah, um, for sure, I think sometimes it's sometimes it's hard to discern um conviction and condemnation, and I think this definitely um is is correlated with the renewal of the mind. Um, I think you know, from my experience, you know, um my relationship with my father was disconnected and he was very like, you know, or if I was doing good in wrestling, life was good. And so so I know from my experience personally that performance-based mindset kind of got pulled into my faith. And so you find yourself, you know, condemning more because you're chasing like this perfectionism, and I'm sure there's others listening to this that that struggle with that. Um, and we just have to remember like not only is Christ our bridegroom king, but we're also God's children, he's also a loving father, the perfect father. Um, and so that's sometimes that's a barrier to relate to him. Like we have to remember he's not just loving and merciful, like he is love, like he is mercy. So he's never never condemning us. Um, you know, I I think of Peter, right? He denies him and he comes and restores him immediately. There was not even when Peter falls in the water, it's not like you know, you goon. He's like, Where's your faith? But he picks him up, and it's always restoration and encouragement. So that's been a struggle of mine too, you know. It's you get into this, uh you like put your these expectations on yourself that I don't think anyone's putting, expect God's not putting on us for sure. Um and those things can create guilt and and anxiety and um and things like that.

SPEAKER_04 22:00

And I'm glad you brought that up because I think they what was that, week four, where he kind of talks there was ideas in week four, I think, about um things that Christians are struggling with in terms of like trying to earn God's approval instead of living from acceptance. Um and there were some points that I bulleted that uh it creates being burnout, shame, performance-based faith, or fear-driven obedience. And I just made a note for myself, like you know, we've been talking in Life Group about um because we're in the book of James right now, so we've been talking about because this is where you're gonna get into the the faith and works talk, um and just being able to have that mindset that we don't live a certain way to strive or earn salvation, but because of that salvation and being freed, because of that we live a different way because we've been created into a new man. Um so I'm actually yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because it I think those are good points to not get tricked into that idea that it's all based off your performance.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Yeah, no, I I love that verse, and I think if we if we focus like solely on Christ, um then it's like perfect love. I love perfect love drives out fear. Um isn't it somewhere in 1 John, you know, and because fear has to do with punishment. Um we didn't do anything to deserve it. Um Christ died for us while we were still in sin. Completely, complete enemies of God. I had no, I was I mocked him in my everyday life, you know. I used to make fun of people who I would call them Jesus freaks. And I was one of those guys. And in the middle of all of that, completely undeserving, he still called me by name because I was his. And so, you know, it's from that place, I think, if we focus and dwell in our minds on that love, that literal perfect love, um can't even explain it, will just produce good fruit, you know. Um and then the striving, I it might have been might have been Pastor Ryan that said this to me or Kylie's dad, but um, you know, you go out and look on the trees, like you never see a branch striving for fruit. It just is there. You never see a branch performing and trying to do all these extra things, and it's not worried about producing fruit, it's just there, it just sits there in the vine, and we're supposed to do the same thing. Um but practically it's difficult, right? Because we have all these thoughts and emotions that are telling us another thing.

SPEAKER_03 24:22

But the thing about that, like especially when like don't get me wrong, you sin, you need to repent, you need to go to the Lord, you need to you need to correct it. Um but we never catch God off guard by our sin. Yeah, like we're not God's not like, oh, he did that, like I can't what? Like, I didn't see that one coming. Like, no, it's like, oh yeah, I figured that was gonna happen. And it's oh look, it is that time. It was time for you to do that. I didn't realize that. And so we when we get in this guilt and we get this, we're scared to go to God. We're scared, like at times we're like, I don't, I don't, I wouldn't give that type of forgiveness. I'm broken. I like when someone wrongs me, I'm like Ryan talked about like when he's cut off on the highway and he's like so angry, and people Joy's reminding him that he's a pastor. Like it's you you you feel this debt that needs to be paid, and you're like, how dare you? And you think like I'm supposed to go back to God and just receive that like when I would never? And the answer is yes, because we're broken, and everything like when it comes to returning back to God and coming back to um coming back to repentance after we sin or after we screw up, it's everything that's telling us not to is just the brokenness in us. Everything that thinks I'm not worth it, I I'm I'm a sinner, I'm gonna sin again, I'm a he doesn't want me back, like that's all so broken because it is so like you said, it's it's hard to even explain the type of love that God has for us. And like we see it, um, you can see it in some ways with your own children that like, yeah, James, he can drive me up a wall. Like he runs up. I think he kicked uh my little aircast like four times today already. I got home at like 3.15 and I left my house at 5.30, and four times he's kicked this thing, and I'm just like, I'm gonna throw you at this point. And but I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna hug him, I'm gonna tuck him in for bed. We're gonna watch our roll for soda on TikTok. It's gonna be a great time. And it's but that doesn't even compare to how the love that God has for us. Um one thing, this is off topic than the love that God has for us, is Brian's recommendation to build your truth, and I think it was Tim. Tim's recommendation to build your truth sermon that when you are feeling emotions and you need um for every one of your out of out of control emotions, you look up some verses for that. A great tool that I utilized like crazy in college. It's uh website called Open Bible Info. I think it's openbible.info. And you can literally search Google and say, what does the Bible say about insert the topic? Right. And so if I was looking for verses on a topic and I'm at and I'm just like, I can't think of anything, nothing's coming to mind, I would say, what does the Bible say about abortion? Or what does the Bible say about uh predestination? And I would go to open Bible info and it's literally just verses. It gives doesn't give context. I think it's an ESV um translation, but it's um which is a fine translation, but the church just typically uses CSB when we preach, and so if that's your thing, you may not love it, but um it's just verses. It doesn't explain them, it doesn't give any context. It's just someone has said that this has to do with that topic. And so, like, what does the Bible say about envy? Open Bibleinfo.com. Look it up and use that to build your truth sermon. Read what scripture says about it. Uh, what does the Bible say about my anger? What does the Bible say about uh guilt? What does the Bible say about this? Use using that as a tool to help build those um truth sermons is a great option. And I saw that note in there. I wanted to make sure I threw that out. I've told Allison, Allison's

Thoughts Drive Emotions Drive Actions

SPEAKER_03 28:20

taking some classes at Liberty, and she's asked me, she's like, what are some verses that are about this? And I'm like, I've told you four times now, Allison. Open Bible info, like it's the best website just to get verses on a topic.

SPEAKER_04 28:33

I know I kind of want to figure out how to use, I mean, total it's on topic with what you were talking about, but I want to figure out how to use logos more to do the sermon building stuff because I know there's like a whole study section of logos that you can put certain words in and it'll just bring up all the verses with that. Um I also use my um Thompson Chain reference Bible because you it like topic by topic, it'll tell you every book and chapter that that theological idea is located in. Yeah, which is awesome.

SPEAKER_03 29:01

I was talking to Dave Gamble, he's my brother-in-law, um, about he's been coming over my house to pick up his kids. I've been picking up his kids from school, and we'll just get into theology conversations and we'll discuss these things. And I always thought Logos, I found out about it when I was at when I started working at the church, um, but he actually has a logos account. Logos is a website, it's kind of um pastors use it a lot to build sermons, but it is a great studies study tool. If you're looking to like dig into the word and see what um it's like Microsoft Word meets uh what's the Amazon Audible, not Audible, Kindle, like Amazon uh Microsoft Word meets Kindle meets all kinds of stuff, and you can get all this information. Um get the strongest concordance with Hebrew and Greek and oh yeah, and so if you're laid on your Bible, if you're trying to study scripture to see what it's it's you the Bible says about the emotions you're feeling or what the Bible says about anything, Logos is a great software you can use. It is a paying software, like you I don't think you can get it for free, but I'll just throw that tool out there too. Why not? You got all the tools.

SPEAKER_04 30:10

I'm glad you brought up the the preaching of sermon to yourself because I feel like there was two um two ideas that kind of link that together for me because in one of I think it was in it was in week one, they were talking about uh people treat emotions like their final authority. And if we if we would just build sermons to preach to ourselves and rely more on the word, we would realize that most of those things we find are authority in our emotions are somehow combated by reading scripture.

SPEAKER_03 30:43

I had this old pastor, um, he was my youth pastor, and I went to a church that at the time, um, it was an older generation that was mostly there, and so there was still not that you should disrespect the Bible, but anything that was um mildly not reverent, not disrespectful, but just not incredibly reverent, it would like throw them off. And he had this illustrate a sermon illustration one time when he was talking about um living under the authority of the Bible or living above the authority of the Bible. If you're living above the authority of the Bible, you're making your own rules, your emotions are deciding what you do, your emotions tell you where to lead. And the way he just got everyone to get the point was he tossed his Bible onto the ground and then stood on top of it. And he's like, I'm living above the authority of the Bible, and this is what you look like when you do this. If we have this reverence for the Bible, this book, the great book, and you have all that reverence, but you're not living like the Bible is the authority over your life, this is you, this is how you God is looking down at you, that you're standing on the word that He has given you. And then He took it and he said it on his head, and he's like, This is living under it. That this is the first thing, this is your guide, this is how you should live. And so when we allow our emotions to dictate our actions and we allow our emotions to be our bosses, we're no longer living under the authority of Scripture. We're living under the we're living on top of the Bible, we're stepping right on it and just walking over it.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

Yeah, no, for sure. Um, I I was thinking back to something that uh you had said earlier. Um, you know, we speak a lot of these things over ourselves, you know, and there's life and death in the tongue. Um and there's there's times too where, you know, when these emotions will come in, um you know, myself and and Kylie, where do you ever just stop and question who's telling me this? Like you go into a room and you feel guilty, you you feel uh anxious or you feel some type of fear, and it's like who is telling me this right now? As I if I compare it to God's word, if I find an as it it is written statement like Jesus did when he was tempted in the wilderness, I was like, who's actually telling me this? You know what I mean? Um I saw this clip the other day too where this guy had said, because I mean I'm like guilty of this too, where like sometimes I'll attribute credit to the enemy for like thoughts that are probably just for me, just for my ways of thinking and all these things. Um but he said something he's like the enemy can only mess with you to the level of your unrenewed mind. And that really like struck home with me. I'm like, dang. Like, and he's like, you often get to a point, anxiousness, fear, guilt, envy, whatever it might be, you find yourself in the hole and you look and the shovel was in your hand. You're the one who dug it because you're listening to your emotions. Your emotions are the Lord over your life. Um and so anyone listening like that's just a great thing to just like slow things down, like, all right, who's actually telling me this? Like, you know, who's telling me that I'm anxious right now? Who's telling me that I should feel guilty about something that happened three years ago that I'm trusting that Christ took it on the cross? It's like and when you you kind of can laugh it off. You're like, who's telling? No one's telling no one's telling me, you know what I mean? Where's it coming from? Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

That's good. That is really good. We it is really easy to blame somebody else. Like we see that in society all the time now. Like it's it's not me. I'm not having these thoughts. I'm being told these thoughts. And once Satan stops putting those thoughts in my head, then I won't ever, I'll I'll be good, I won't be anxious anymore. But at to some level, like we are we are choosing that. We are choosing that anxiety, we're choosing to be angry about that. Um, when I was younger, I was terrible at being angry. I I was the worst at it. I would my brother would drive me absolutely insane. I'd get so angry, and then he'd just mess with me a little bit, and I'm just laughing. And I'm just like, no, I'm supposed to be mad at you, and I'd try to be all angry again, and it never worked. Um but like as I got older, I noticed there for a while that I was just like grumpy. Like I was just like, angry's not being angry is not hard. How was that ever difficult for me? Like, look at all these things people did wrong. Like, I should be angry, and it's I'm telling myself that it's there's no one else telling me that.

SPEAKER_04 34:58

Yeah. Oh, and I liked how you brought up, you know, some a lot of times it is like just our own thoughts, but at the same time, I I think I brought it up on one of them was like I love that mindset, but then I read a book like Screw Tape Letters, and I'm like, what thoughts are my own? I'm like, they make it so for sure, so deceiving that sometimes it's like, is this my thought or is this like just something that's being planted in my mind right now that I need to just cast this out anyway?

SPEAKER_03 35:25

Well, the thing is, regardless of if it is the demon, if it's screw tape coming up to you and saying these things, it's don't get just because someone says something, we're the only ones that give that any power whatsoever. If you are if you are saved, right, even if you're not like if you still got a long way to go in the sanctification, right? Like if your your mind is not renewed, yeah, even then we have power to be like you're you're nothing.

SPEAKER_04 35:56

That's why I really liked like where we went with it, because despite whether it's from the enemy or of your own mind, like ultimately the shovel's still in your hand, because the only power it has is the power you give it. Exactly. Yeah, that's I really like how you tied that in like that.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

Yeah, I think like um if we genuinely, um always speaking of myself, we genuinely woke up in the morning and walked in our minds and our hearts, but it's like we're we were talking about this at Life Group uh a week or two ago, uh, but I think it's in Hebrews, but like we're brothers and sisters with Christ, we're co-heirs in Christ, you know. We think of the prodigal son, the father says, Everything you have, everything I have is yours. It's like we actually walk in that, like I'm seated with Christ in the heavenly places. Um the Holy Spirit is like if we really walked in that some of these thoughts and these emotions would just be like the easiest thing to easiest thing to like brush off, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 36:53

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

Um and it's always just that that doubt, and it it comes with emotions. That's something too, like we we we focus um a lot on like you know what thoughts the enemy is maybe shooting in our minds, and ultimately we have the choice, and sometimes I think it's the same with emotions, like these these evil forces, you know, we wrestle now flesh and blood. Sometimes it can be emotions, like sometimes it might not be you that's kind of influencing this, you know, cloud of anger or anxiety over you. Sometimes that very well can be demonic, but you know, again, we we have the choice to walk in authority, um, and just be like, I think when Jesus says, I've given you all power to overcome the enemy, trample on snakes, trample on scorpions, by no means will anything harm you. So like it's just like a loud dog that barks. And by the way, he's on a leash. He has he has to ask, you know. What does he say that Satan is asked to sift you like wheat? Like he's gotta ask permission from our father to do anything.

SPEAKER_03 37:51

So one of the biggest things I think anybody can take from the series, and it's specifically men, right? This is I am categorizing all men in the same boat, is men are generally terrible at showing emotions.

Conviction Versus Condemnation

SPEAKER_03 38:10

And the biggest lesson that we as men can take from this series is that we need to honestly acknowledge our emotions. Do you know how many times that I've been hurt or sad? And it and Allison's like, Why are you so angry? Because I genuinely for a long time, and I've talked about it in the past, like I had to get a life coach to like figure out how to show emotions correctly. Like I when I we got it was five or six years, we had both of our children before I was like, yeah, no, this isn't right. Like, I shouldn't just be mad when I when I feel hurt, when I feel um unloved, or when I'm feeling these negative things, everything would come out as anger. Um, and that is a genuine issue with men. And I think I was talking to my sister about it this week, actually, that men are so out of touch with their emotions because they're so scared to um feel weak.

SPEAKER_04 39:02

It is not weakness to feel hurt, and I think a lot of that stems from societal issues because it's like imposed on you from childhood into adulthood, like you're expected to come off as a certain way, and if you don't, then it's not accepted.

SPEAKER_03 39:17

Yeah. And there's there's definitely a fine line. Like, we as men have to be able to capture our emotions and like situations of an emergency and things like that. Like, right, we should be able to be brave, right? But being brave means you are scared inherently. And so, um, just like if you're listening to this and you're like, well, I don't even know what to talk about. I don't ever feel envy, I don't ever feel that. Check out, take a beat when you're angry about something and ask yourself like, am I actually angry at this? Am I mad at them for having that thing? Or am I just wanting it myself? And is that envy? Yeah, like that's there's you can take everything. Like, I could be hurt because Allison ignored me today or didn't text me back all day because she was busy and I'm like, oh, you didn't talk to me all day, la da da da da da, and I'm angry. That can come off as anger, or am I actually just hurt because I feel unacknowledged or unimportant? And if you take the time to navigate those, you're able to one, like discuss it with your spouse or discuss it with somebody, even your boss, right? Like if your boss is driving you up a wall and you're always angry at him, is it because they're talking down to you? Well, how does that make you feel? And it's I think it's one of the biggest things that men can learn. Yeah, because I I would call it an epidemic of being able to show emotions. There, yeah, it is very difficult for men.

SPEAKER_01 40:39

Yeah, I I agree. Um, and I think they just, you know, the way I was raised, I'm sure there's some many other people, especially I think people are probably a little older, where it was like, eh, tough it up.

SPEAKER_04 40:49

Did you see how he looked right at me?

SPEAKER_03 40:50

Oh, eye contact. Wow. I loved it.

SPEAKER_04 40:53

I mean, you are like and his hand gesture was towards me.

SPEAKER_03 40:57

Granted, I did say I'm like, oh, I'm just a year older than you when before we started this podcast. But yeah, no, he definitely looked you right in the ass.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

Um, but yeah, we're we're told to just tough it out and to uh to not show emotion. Um and it's just if one, it's not healthy, you know, at all. And I think um you're speaking of all these emotions, I think what happens is like, you know, as a kid, you get these things instilled in you, don't show emotion this, don't cry this, tough it out. You're a man, you're supposed to be tough, and albeit those things are true, we gotta be a rock in the head for our families. Um, but I think eventually, if not dealt with and brought into the light, um, and replaced with humility, like it just turns into pride. And I think pride and I don't know if anger is on here, we're talking about anger just now, but pride and anger, I think, are like a a two-in-one shampoo or something, you know what I mean? Like they come two-in-one shampoo. They're like they're together, you know. I like Kylie and I had a little, you know, riff the other day, and I I felt super convicted after it, and I I like can confessed and was like, to be honest with you, like I was just arguing for arguing's sake. I just wanted to be right. Like, I was just my pride, and then pride turns into sizzling anger, and now you're like, you're like, how the heck did I even get here? Oh yeah. I think pride is such a a sneaky one, um, such a sneaky one that gets in there. So it's like sometimes it's really hard to be to be lowly and humble in those situations. Um stinking pride, man.

SPEAKER_04 42:30

Stinking pride. I think me and you are a lot of like in terms of how it was, because I think it was again at the beginning of our life group when I told you like all growing up, you know, I I grew up in a single parent house, and it was one of those like I wasn't allowed to show emotions. So as soon as I would start crying, it was go to your room until you're done crying. It was like this constant idea that I wasn't allowed to express emotions, yeah. So it was extremely damaging as I got older between my friendships and then even moving into marriage. Like, I'm gonna out Erica a little bit here, but she was like a public crier, like she would choose a day of the week and she would just cry in the shower. And I thought it was the weirdest thing in the world, and I didn't know how to interact with it at all. So and even with the kids, like, still to this day, I'm I'm a lot better than I was, but there's still to this day where like the kids will just start crying, and I'm like, I don't know what to do. Like, I don't know how to handle these emotions. I'm like, my mom's probably a little bit better at this than I am. But it's like it took me a long time, like to even myself be able to express emotions, and now I'm like this blubbering baby of scrolling TikTok and weeping at these sad videos that come out. I'm like, where did this come from?

SPEAKER_03 43:41

That's called overcompensation. You went too far the other way.

SPEAKER_04 43:44

I think it's like the overflow of what never came out before. Oh goodness, it's just overflowing at this point. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 43:50

But I whacked the heads of the men a little bit there, but the other half of that is that if a guy, and it can probably would be your husband, but any guy. Right, if any guy comes up to you and says, like, hey, um, and they're clearly uncomfortable, and they're like, I felt hurt when this happened, and they sound like a blubbering idiot, and they are trying to figure out the words to say, it is the responsibility of a woman in that situation to honor that as best as they possibly can. Um, me and Allison have talked about it because I like when this whole thing came out with me not being great with emotions and showing them, like I had to genuinely like practice. Like, hey, I'm uncomfortable and I don't know how to say this, so I need you just to sit there and let me just word vomit and I'll probably somehow insult you, but let me get it out and then we can break it down. And there were times where she dropped a ball, and I was like, This is why I don't share anything with you. I'm never doing it again. Like, this sucks. I'm shoving it down again. Cool. And like I'm genuinely like it's it would be like a panic, like general, genuine fear. And when I had that conversation with my sister this week, and how men have to like learn to show these emotions, the thing I said to her was like, but when our wives have to honor that, and you're gonna hear things that like you don't want to hear, that you've hurt your husband, you've made him feel this way, you've done this thing, and it sucks. And it but it is that just like if you're you come up to your husband and you say, Hey, I was hurt when when you did this, and you expect him to be like, Oh, I need to fix this, it needs to be that same way. And because stubbornness, uh pride, that's what that is, like, right? If you're if you're like, oh no, you're just failing that, or you're wrong, or this, that's not what I said, that's not how I said it. That's just pride of trying to be right. And you may not have said it like that, he may have received it wrong, and you can have that conversation in a loving way. Uh, but if I'm gonna challenge men to have those conversations with their wives, have those conversations with their significant others, with their children, even and and those uh in general, it is imperative that I also give the give the females a challenge of hey, be willing to sit down and for the long haul conversations.

SPEAKER_04 46:01

And I like how you brought that up because I feel like it it was such I think it was more of you so it is normal for men to be that for their spouse. Yeah. So like, for instance, I mean we all know Erica, she's a little anxious. So every now and then I was like her venting port when whenever anxiety would creep in, whatever. But it I think it shocked her the first day that I ever came across that way, because she's like, Well, this isn't you, like, where's this coming from? But it I like how you worded it because all it takes is one bad reaction to a man trying to express emotion or whatever's

Build A Truth Sermon From Scripture

SPEAKER_04 46:35

going on, and that it almost like just shuts you off. You're not gonna want to do it again because you had that bad interaction. For sure. So I like how you brought that up.

SPEAKER_01 46:43

Um speaking of that too, I think and there's uh verse somewhere, maybe it's in the letter to Corinth or Ephesus, but it says, um, you know, wives point your husbands to Christ with your actions and behaviors. And so I think that would be like a perfect verse for um any any wives listening to to go on, and then also for men too, like um our prayers can be hindered. Like it says that right after we can have our prayers hindered from the way that we treat our wives. We should love our wives as we love ourselves. Um that's something that was convicting me. It's like, man, like he like he really might straight up oppose me in my prayer life because of them being bitter towards my wife. Um and speaking of hindering prayers, all these emotions, not having a cap on these and letting them rule over our life, I think it significantly hinders our prayer life. Why does it um you know if you're if you're angry, if you're fearful, and then kind of like circling it to what we're just talking about, um men not really wanting to express their emotions in the prayer room in that secret place with God, he wants you like your your the truth, he wants the rawness in your heart, not like I've done this before, especially when I was you know first started my walk. You want these elegant, beautiful, I sound like the psalmist David, you know, let me get my harp out. Um he's like, tell me you're mad. I think Tim did this too, like tell him you're angry. Oh yeah. Um tell him you're hurt, tell him you're feeling these things. Um and as men, like you know, we need, especially with the Lord, to come into those places and be very vulnerable because he sees anything that that's going on in there. Um and if your heart's condemning you, it says in in 1st or 2 John, if even our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and he knows everything. He knows everything that's going on inside of our heart. Um yeah, and um I don't know about you guys, um, but my prayer life has been something I've been trying to focus on uh a lot more recently, you know, as I think there's times in our life where either our thoughts, our emotions, um, and all these things, and I think it could just be like uh, you know, it's good like you're it's a symptom of your soul, just not being deep in connection. Um sometimes like I I read the word, but that's kind of it. I'm like, well, man, you know, like have I really been praying? Like putting my phone down, no distractions, and just like just sitting, you know, at the feet of the Lord. Just God, you're just holy. Like that, there's the very little bit, you're just holy. Like there's nothing else. I just making sure I'm in alignment with his will. Um and so I don't know about you guys, it's something you struggle with or something you work on, but it's just something I I've been trying to focus on recently. Um I think I'm seeing some fruits of it, and I'm excited to continue to build it. So I mean, I think Jesus would go and pray for hours, you know. And I think in Mark it also says too, like he would wake up and it would still be dark, and he would go off and he would pray. I mean, how much more if the son of man, the son of God, was like praying for hours. One, I'd love to know everything he was praying about. Oh, for sure. I could like a little recording of like you know, anything. I think we can see like, you know, a glimpse in Psalm 22, but he's like crying out from the cross. It's like a different circumstance, but Psalm 22 is beautiful, by the way. Yeah, uh one of my favorites. Um but yeah, I'm just gonna think like, man, how much should we we be praying? Paul says unceasing prayer, but it's the flip side of the coin.

SPEAKER_03 49:59

There is the um there's the law side and there's the the relationship side. And you can you can get the law side down in the in the word, spending time in the word, figuring out what you should do, being able to like sword races is what they used to be called, and you can find that verse right where it's at, and like you're it's a race, and like you can be great legally and um academically, but you can completely miss the relational side, and that's that only comes from prayer and worship. And it it is everyone stru has struggled at times, um, myself included, where I'm like, man, it's been I remember one time I prayed, might have been at youth group, and I was like, I don't remember praying in this entire week until I prayed in front of them again. I'm like, that's a huge issue. Yeah, um that is a big issue, and it was it was a busy week, things were going on. It wasn't like I was like, no, I'm not talking to God, it just wasn't my top priority. And if I went to Allison and was like, hey, you're not my top priority this week. Sorry, that's not gonna help the relationship at all. And so it's it's relational that we have to have that time and spend it together. Um, but we are over five minutes, and so we gotta wrap up. Um, final thoughts?

SPEAKER_04 51:17

Um, I guess uh what I marked is the thing that I really loved in here, because I try to think back at how much time I spent in the envy idea, and I put on here that uh one of the ideas was envy counts other people's blessings, but gratitude counts your own. Um and I was thinking about James because we're in the book of James in our life group right now, but um the whole idea of considering it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, and then it goes on to say that because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance, and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. So I think about that and the idea that you know, we talked about envying over other people's lives and not looking at the gratitude in your own. And I realize that, you know, in the trials that he's giving us in our own walk, um, it's giving us that that faith that's gonna produce endurance, and we need to understand that in that walk, he's not gonna leave us lacking anything. Yeah. So like reading that and then trying to pair it up with where we're at uh in James, I just that

Men Marriage And A Real Prayer Life

SPEAKER_04 52:20

was one of my key takeaways is trying to reflect daily. And actually the prayer life thing is a big one because I struggle with that just in time. So it's like I need to learn throughout the day in those downtimes that I have to try and dedicate more to prayer life. Yeah. Um because I think that's that's a big uh big bridge to to close the gaps on a lot of these things.

SPEAKER_01 52:46

Yeah, for sure. Something that that's helped me. Speaking of emotions, um I I watched this this clip of someone, I forget who it was, but our our emotions are always deceiving us. And so I felt this where there's sometimes if I am praying and I'm not like led to tears or I don't feel super moved, I might go with some bad prayer. Like, you know what I mean? Like it doesn't feel like I'm deep in my spiritual life or praying, and that's massive deception there because that does my emotions have no effect on God hearing what I just said to him. Um, but speaking of that though, something has helped me to feel a little more lifted as I'll like play like an instrumental on my phone, you know, even if it's five minutes, and I'll just kind of let myself just sit and ponder on the Lord, and that's helped me go into prayer. Um, so if that's something that might help you or anyone listening, um there's a couple good ones you can find on Spotify. But I think David played the harp. He played the harp, and Daniel I think did the same thing to lift his spirit.

SPEAKER_04 53:41

So I actually just to close out on this idea, I just picked up a book that's called uh I think it's called like praying the names of God. It's like 52-week devotional, yeah, but it's every name of God, and then examples from the Bible of when he was called those names, and then it ties a prayer into it. Wow. So it's it's interesting, like in terms of like provider, um, you know, what whichever name you go by, you think of something in your life that pairs with that name, and then you pray to God in that name and thank him for being that. That's cool. I like that. It was interesting.

SPEAKER_03 54:15

Good stuff. Well, I think uh we're gonna wrap it up here. I think we could probably go on for another hour or two.

SPEAKER_04 54:22

This is a good conversation.

SPEAKER_03 54:24

I like it. This sermon series, I think, was um top tier to say the least. It was it was an excellent one. Um so if if you're struggling with your emotions and you're allowing them to be your boss rather than your servant, um, it's time to go to God. Start with some prayer, see where um He needs to He needs to step in and and uh see where you need to step up. Um our boss, our emotions should be our servants. And God gave us those emotions, they're important, they're good, you should feel them. Um, but they're not always true, and we shouldn't allow them to completely control our lives. And so um hopefully this you got something from this podcast. Thank you so much for jumping on with us, Ethan. We really appreciate it. You had so much good stuff to say. I loved it.

SPEAKER_01 55:08

Thanks for having me, guys. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_03 55:09

No problem at all. We'll see you guys next month. We love you. Have a great month.